


Shits and Giggles, Forevermore

by Japo_Chan23



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Arguing, Cigarettes, Emo Evan, Fluff, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Murder, Pastel Connor, Slightly - Freeform, Slurs, That's it, but still tagging just to be safe, cotton candy and hunters au, i didn't reread this or grammar check this, it's 4 in the morning im tired, it's just one though and Evan just said "fag", nothing to heavy i guess, since i decided to write this instead of sleeping for some reason, slight angst, unedited, voluntary manslaughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 06:33:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13242519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23/pseuds/Japo_Chan23
Summary: Evan would always make jokes about how he "murdered someone, and would do it again if he had to". Everyone in the friend group, Zoe, Alana, Jared, and Connor, Evan's boyfriend, would just laugh.Connor never put much thought into it, except later on he most likely should have at least questioned it.It's like what they always say.Behind every joke is some truth.





	Shits and Giggles, Forevermore

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic of deh that I'm posting, and it's of an au that I just found today, wow. Also,, sorry for every mistake that was made, and for literally everyone being ooc, I struggle with writing characters who kind of have a change in personality, lol. Anyways, enjoy, I suppose. Also?? The title makes it seem like it's going to be crack/funny but it's not, and that's because I can't think of clever titles. 
> 
> Anyways, this is for softmushie over on Tumblr.

The moment Evan “Bad Boy” Hansen (more like knockoff Dean Winchester from Supernatural) had oh so gracefully fallen into Connor “Cotton Candy” Murphy’s life, he knew that things were going to be well. Despite appearing to be polar opposites, they worked out quite well. Like two puzzle pieces in a puzzle, except the pieces were both from their own puzzle, respectively. It was a surprise to their peers when they started to date many months after they had met, but neither of them cared. Evan did, just a tiny bit. 

But they still didn’t care.

It was funny, for the most part. Connor always enjoyed being with Evan. The kisses, the hugs and cuddles, the protectiveness, how loving Evan is, the sex. The sex itself was something. They switched from time to time, but it was still hard, since they still had some things that got in the way.

Connor recalled one time when Evan was below him and they were both naked in his bed (for the first time), and the blonde boy just started crying because he wasn’t ready to be vulnerable for Connor yet. The brunette understood, of course, but it was still unsettling to see Evan cry. They proceeded to cuddle that night, and they don’t talk about that.

It was nice to know that they were both able to be vulnerable in front of each other, though.

The jokes were really nice, too. He loved the jokes. Connor particularly liked the joke where Evan would always say that he killed someone, and that he would do it again if he absolutely had to.

“I murdered someone one time,” Evan had said one day. “Absolute douchebag, didn’t care for his ass one bit. He tried to steal my cigarettes, so,” he shrugged. Connor had stared at Evan with ride, brown eyes the size of dinner plates at lunch.

“How can you say that so casually? And over cigarettes? Are you serious, Evan!?” Connor had almost shouted. He was a pacifist, of course he was going to get upset at the fact that Evan just said he killed a guy over a pack of cigarettes.

“Connor, it was a joke,” Evan smiled, shoulders bouncing slightly as he chuckled at the pastel boy. “I didn’t actually kill someone over a pack of cigarettes.”

Granted, the first time Evan told the joke, he didn’t much like it. It was funny. Connor soon found that it was a joke he said whenever it was quiet, everyone stopped talking, or it was just awkward.

“I killed someone because they were cutting down trees in a forest.”

“One time, I saw this guy who had a takeout dish, that I knew was filled, and just abandoned it on the streets to get run over by a truck, but the worst part was that there was a homeless guy right there who would’ve benefited from that meal. Which is why I murdered him.”

“This guy called me a fag so I just murdered him, on the spot.”

Each time Evan told that joke, Connor would always joke, while Alana, Zoe, and Jared would just sigh, pity laugh, or just snort before shaking their heads. It was a joke they were all used to. The way someone died changed every time, and each time it was even crazier than the last. 

Connor noticed that Evan never actually said “killed”. Only saying “murdered”. He figured that Evan just liked the specifics of it. Besides, people who killed people don’t say “murdered” they say “killed.” Connor likes to thinks that that was how Evan got people to believe they were jokes.

Murderers don’t say they murdered someone, they just say they killed someone.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

But it was just a joke, of course it was. Evan killing someone, anyways.

Evan “I’m too emo to actually murder someone” Hansen, a murderer? As if. Connor remembered Alana saying that Evan too “soft of an emo” to actually hurt someone. That joke continued on, and Connor even said that if they were in bed and Connor requested for Evan to choke him, Evan wouldn’t even do it.

Evan had agreed that yes, he wouldn’t choke Connor; that he wouldn’t have his fingers or hands ever around his neck, and placed in a position where he could cut off Connor’s air supply. 

Connor just assumed it was because Evan’s anxiety that he was going to hurt him, so the topic was quickly dropped, and they proceeded to indulge Evan and how he “murdered a drunk that tried to sell him crack”.

The pastel lover never put much thought into the jokes, though. Because they were just that; jokes. Shits and giggles, something for fun, something that they could easily converse about and just a laugh about, just that, a fucking joke.

Forevermore, a joke. 

End of story. The end. Just a joke, and that was it.

They always laughed about it. 

Connor rubbed his hand down his cheek, pink and blue nails scratched said cheek as he tapped his foot against the floor, and he looked around the room with frantic eyes, as his heart just dulled to a painfully slow pace (or it felt like that, anyways).

His neck was so tight, it felt like he was going to die from asphyxiation. 

“I once murdered someone because they made fun of you,” Evan said one day, when they were in Evan’s bedroom. Connor had his hand in Evan’s hair, with Evan draped over his chest and drawing small circles on him.

“Where do you even come up with these jokes?” Connor giggled, ruffling blonde hair. “Not really jokes, but you know what I meant. And why?”

Evan paused for a moment, and Connor furrowed his brow when Evan started drawing x’s on his chest instead of o’s. “I just do. It’s not hard,” he replied dryly. “I don’t much want to talk about it- can we talk about it later?” Evan sighed, starting to pick at the strings of Connor’s hoodie. 

“Alright.”

Connor never brought it up after that.

Well, he did. He just didn’t like to think about that time. It ended up with Evan screaming, Connor getting an uber home, and them taking a break from each other for a week.

It was terrifying. 

“Why do you keep making murder jokes?” Connor asked again a few weeks later. They were on the couch in the living room, Chinese on the coffee table, and some show (he thinks it’s called Shameless, but he couldn’t remember, they weren’t even watching it either), playing. They were making casual chit chat, and it was fine, it was comfortable.

Except until he asked that question. Everything got tense after that, really.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to,” Evan replied immediately, picking at his fingernails. Avoiding eye contact. 

Connor narrowed his eyes.

“No, no I definitely do want the answer to that. That’s literally the only morbid joke you make, so why?” Connor frowned, shifting slightly in his seat. Just the shift. The shift people do when they’re in a tense situation, and they just move around in their seat. That shift. The one before something bad happens.

“Because I can? It’s a morbid joke, people make jokes about that, why the fuck are you interrogating me about the jokes I make? Is it- is it no-not funny enough for you or wh-what?” Evan snapped, glaring at Connor. “Cause so-sorry for not having humor that matches exactly how you look!” 

“My sense of humor has nothing to do with how I dress, why did you even bring that up, the way I dress has literally nothing to do with that!” Connor yelled, hands thrown up in the air. 

“It doesn’t, but you know exactly what I meant, Murphy! God, because everyone needs a fucking reason to-to make jokes right?!” Evan stuttered, quickly standing up from the couch, Connor following suite. “Do I need some horrible backstory for you, Connor? Do you think I-I kill-killed someone, Connor? Since apparently I need a reason to joke! To have a laugh with you and everyone fucking els-else!” Evan screamed, pointing an accusing that was way too close to Connor’s face, they were extremely close. “Or is that too much for someone as sweet, innocent, and cutesy as you?” He seethed.

Angry eyes. That was what Evan was looking at him with. Blue eyes, dark, filed with anger. At him. His boyfriend. Such infuriating eyes. He saw Evan look at other people like that, he just never expected to be on the receiving end of it one day.

That night didn’t escalate that fast. Other things were mentioned before they stood up; he knew that. Connor just couldn’t find it in himself to ask Evan, or to venture down memory lane just to figure out what they both said that night. Everything they said to each other. 

They argued for an hour or so, before Connor just shoved Evan with tears in eyes, a scowl on his lips, and an uber driver outside. Evan just shouted at him to go, and that he wouldn’t give two shits anyways.

Apologies were exchanged the next day. Assertively. 

They didn’t talk about the jokes anymore, and Evan only made it occasionally. It wasn’t a big deal. 

“Once upon a time, I killed someone.” Evan said one day. They were spooning; Connor holding Evan, and Evan being held, his hands by his mouth. The sound of Evan biting his nails was loud in the room.

Connor smiled, almost laughed, before he thought about what Evan said. He never said once upon a time. 

He never said killed.

“. . .What?” Connor asked softly, rubbing his thumb on Evan’s hip, burying his nose in Evan’s shoulder.

“Once upon a time, I killed someone,” the blonde repeated. “Saturday, December 5th. I was at the gas station, and it was dark. Around ten at night, no one was really out, and with the roads being all icy, and no one being there, I drove at a regular speed. And it was dark out. And there was stop scene, that I didn’t stop at. There was a kid there. Her name was Grace. She was a beautiful child, only 14. I don’t know why she was outside. I thought I hit a possum, or-or a raccoon. She was wearing all black.” Evan paused for a moment, taking in a shaky breath, visibly shaking. Connor made soft cooing sounds as he tried to comfort his boyfriend as best as he could. 

“I never meant to make it such a mess,” Evan whispered after ten minutes of just breathing. “The family was so nice. They invited me into their home, and they said they weren’t going to-to hold a grudge-grudge against me. I won’t go into the spec-speci-specifics of it, but it was so complicated and messy. I didn’t mean-” a choked sob interrupted the short ramble.

The rest of the conversation, if there was ever supposed to be a continuation of their talk, never happened. The night was spent with a tall pastel brunette comforting a small, emo blonde.

Evan stopped telling the jokes, but he did start saying that if anyone hurt Connor or anyone else in their friend group, he would kill, and he wouldn’t hesitate.

The next time that they brought this up, they were walking. Outside. At night. For some reason. 

“So, I’m assuming you made those jokes to cope, right? Since you couldn’t talk about it with anyone?” Connor questioned, looking up at Evan through his brown locks. 

“I talked about it to Grace. I visit her grave every year, or every few months. I’m still in contact with her family,” Evan sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

They continued to walk in silence for a moment, pausing by a tree. “Was it just for a laugh?”

“Yes, it was. I wanted people to fe-feel better, I guess, I don’t know. It was a joke.”

Connor sighed, rubbing his face. “Just for shits and giggles?”

“Just for shits and giggles, forevermore.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edited to fix the format because it bothered me.


End file.
